Here's another installment of my project to provide an antidote to the pessimism we find all around us, by exploring the ways that we can make our own luck.
This time: T is for Toleration busting
One of the first things I learned when I started my coach training with Jim Vuocolo and Coach U was the concept of Tolerations.
What’s a toleration? They are the small irritations, energy drainers, things we put up with large and small which irritate us. They may be so small that we barely notice them, or so big that we can’t help it.
The key that sticks in your lock, the bad habit, the dead plant in the driveway, the corrosive colleague, the negative news on TV.
We may train ourselves to put up with them, even “not really notice” them any more. But large or small, tolerations drain our energy, create discomfort, and cause us to work harder. Eliminate them and life sails more smoothly and efficiently.
The first step: make a list: Write down the tolerations that come to mind when you think of work, home, and all other aspects of your life. As you think of more items later, add them to your list. Nothing is too trivial.
Your list may include situations, your beliefs and behaviours, other people's behaviours, unmet needs, broken objects, incomplete projects, problems, lack of equipment, your car, etc. It may be that you have never set up your printer defaults correctly, so you have to constantly change the settings.
You may or may not choose to do anything about the tolerations on your list right now. However, just becoming aware of the things you are tolerating, will bring them to the forefront where you will naturally start handling, eliminating, fixing, and resolving them.
As you develop a habit of dealing with things as they arise, you’ll create fewer tolerations and feel more powerful and assertive about dealing with them.
Showing posts with label A to Z. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A to Z. Show all posts
3 December 2008
14 November 2008
A to Z of luck : Enthusiasm
It's Day 5 of my project to identify things which help bring luck. I am working on the theory, that the Genius of luck is first, spotting opportunities, and second, taking advantage of them.
Today: E is for Enthusiasm
Opportunities come the way of people who show they are keen to help out and keen to take action. Enthusiasm, or keenness, or general positivity makes you a much nicer person to be around (provided, of course, it is balanced by groundedness and giving space for other people - no one likes people who are so manically enthusiastic that they take up all the oxygen in the room. )
If you need help in being more positive, energised and enthusiastic, try the Improv game "Yes And"with a friend. You tell a story, taking turns to add a sentence. Each time, their sentence begins with "Yes and ...". That's it. Try it. Try it with yourself if no-one else is around.
There's no chance to block ideas, be negative or critical, it gets you into a positive, accepting mindset, and all that positivity is positively energising.
When I did performance improv with Short and Girlie, I always got there early for warm-ups, and always tried to do a round of "Yes and ..." with each of the players on the evening, especially those I didn't know well. It really helped to put me into a creative, lively mindset.
And of course - being positive, aware, alert to opportunities, listening to those around us can all help us be alert to opportunities, and generally make us luckier.
Tomorrow, the letter F!
13 November 2008
A to Z of Luck : D is for Detachment and also for Drive - in balance
Day 4 of my Luck project, where I look at the factors which helps us access the "genius of luck"
Today - the letter D, and Detachment.
Sometimes the most important way to get ahead is to let go. Sometimes, you need to go backwards to go forward. It's like trying to push through the bushes, after snagging your clothing. Sometimes, you just have to go back.
That doesn't mean discipline and drive aren't important - they are. It's just that both discipline and drive draw deep on energy reserves, which eventually become exhausted. Sometimes, letting go, taking a deep breath and stepping back helps us see the big picture, stop wasting time on unnecessary activities, recharge our batteries and move forward.
Today - the letter D, and Detachment.
Sometimes the most important way to get ahead is to let go. Sometimes, you need to go backwards to go forward. It's like trying to push through the bushes, after snagging your clothing. Sometimes, you just have to go back.
That doesn't mean discipline and drive aren't important - they are. It's just that both discipline and drive draw deep on energy reserves, which eventually become exhausted. Sometimes, letting go, taking a deep breath and stepping back helps us see the big picture, stop wasting time on unnecessary activities, recharge our batteries and move forward.
12 November 2008
A to Z of Luck : C is for Courage, Charm, and Calm
It's day 3 of my project to provide an antidote to the pessimism we find all around us, by exploring the ways that we can make our own luck.
I believe we all are surrounded by a myriad of opportunities,and that the genius of luck is first, being able to see them, and second, being able to take advantage of them. I believe there are things we can do to make luck more likely, to help us make the most of the opportunities that are around us, even if the wider economy is in recession.
Each day will be themed around a letter of the alphabet, and today it's the letter "C".
Seneca observed that "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult"
Nothing brings luck like taking action on opportunities. Nothing impedes it more than feeling paralysed by guilt. Having the courage to take action, to take the first step on a journey, can make all the difference.
I recall Prince Charles suggested that moral courage, like physical courage, needs to be practiced. Being brave in small ways - making a phone call, asking for help, speaking up when you see unfairness - can all lead to better luck.
C is also for Charm. People who are charming, are also attractive, and attract luck and other opportunities. It's not about looks, it's about being someone others want to be around.
Being positive is charming. Being interested in others, and happy in your own skin is charming. And to start with, courtesy is charming: it never hurts to say please, thank you, and excuse me, in a sincere and friendly way. That's not to say we need to get hidebound by etiquette codes, which serve to delineate who is in, and who is out. The true purpose of courtesy,and codes of manners, is to set up a system where others feel comfortable. That is not to say that you need be a pushover. It is possible to be both charming and assertive.
And finally - C is about Calm.
If you're always running here and there, if your life is constantly full, there won't be any space to reflect. Stop every so often, take time to small the roses, to find an oasis of calmness. You'll feel better, and be better able to direct your energies.
So to attract luck: be courageous, be charming, be courteous, and find some calmness every once and a while.
Tomorrow: the letter D
I believe we all are surrounded by a myriad of opportunities,and that the genius of luck is first, being able to see them, and second, being able to take advantage of them. I believe there are things we can do to make luck more likely, to help us make the most of the opportunities that are around us, even if the wider economy is in recession.
Each day will be themed around a letter of the alphabet, and today it's the letter "C".
C is for Courage, and for Charm, and for Calm.
Seneca observed that "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult"
Nothing brings luck like taking action on opportunities. Nothing impedes it more than feeling paralysed by guilt. Having the courage to take action, to take the first step on a journey, can make all the difference.
I recall Prince Charles suggested that moral courage, like physical courage, needs to be practiced. Being brave in small ways - making a phone call, asking for help, speaking up when you see unfairness - can all lead to better luck.
C is also for Charm. People who are charming, are also attractive, and attract luck and other opportunities. It's not about looks, it's about being someone others want to be around.
Being positive is charming. Being interested in others, and happy in your own skin is charming. And to start with, courtesy is charming: it never hurts to say please, thank you, and excuse me, in a sincere and friendly way. That's not to say we need to get hidebound by etiquette codes, which serve to delineate who is in, and who is out. The true purpose of courtesy,and codes of manners, is to set up a system where others feel comfortable. That is not to say that you need be a pushover. It is possible to be both charming and assertive.
And finally - C is about Calm.
If you're always running here and there, if your life is constantly full, there won't be any space to reflect. Stop every so often, take time to small the roses, to find an oasis of calmness. You'll feel better, and be better able to direct your energies.
So to attract luck: be courageous, be charming, be courteous, and find some calmness every once and a while.
Tomorrow: the letter D
11 November 2008
A to Z of Luck : B is for Belief, and B is for Breathing Space
It's day 2 of my project to provide an antidote to the pessimism we find all around us, by exploring the ways that we can make our own luck.
My instinct is that we all are surrounded by a myriad of opportunities,and that the genius of luck is first, being able to see them, and second, being able to take advantage of them. I believe there are things we can do to make luck more likely, to help us make the most of the opportunities that are around us, even if the wider economy is in recession.
Each day will be themed around a letter of the alphabet, and today it's the letter "B".
B is for Belief, and B is also for Breathing Space
Henry Ford said " Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you're right."
Two members of my family have wildly different experiences and approaches to finding a space to park a car. One believes she'll get the parking space very close to where she needs it. She believes that it will be there, and drives to where she wants to be. A high percentage of the time, she succeeds.
Another family member is more pessimistic. He assumes he's unlikely to get a park right next to a popular event, or in the centre of town, because they will all have been taken by early-comers. One of two things often happens. First, he may park a distance from the venue, assuming it's the best he'll get, and then walk past empty spaces en route. Or, if he does drive close to the venue, his assumption that parks won't be available leads him to miss the parking spaces right under his nose until he's passed them. In Christchurch's one-way system, this often means that he's missed his opportunity to park and someone else gets the space.
The key difference: if you expect good things to happen, if you expect opportunities to be there (even in a recession) you're more likely to spot them when they do occur, and not just through the rear-view mirror.
Believing that luck is on your side, that you will have opportunities, is the first step.
B is for Belief, and it's also for Breath, and for Breathing Space.
Step two is creating some breathing space.
Taking a deep breath can instantly revive and recharge us, provide perspective, reduce anxiety, and even restore a sense of humour.
It's no accident that someone said "take time to smell the roses". In the act of inhaling we oxygenate our blood, feeding our brains and making them function more effectively.
It's also easy to get panicked, to think that more is better, to cram our days so full, to heap our expectations of ourselves so high that we don't have space to fit in new opportunities that come along.
I can't remember where I first heard the truism that "we need to make space in our lives for good things to come in"
Breathing space is vital to provide us with perspective and restore our energy, if we are to notice the opportunities around us, and make space to do something about it.
So today's lessons to bring luck then: Believe that opportunities are there. Take time every so often to detach from whatever you're doing to take a deep breath and look at what's around you. Create some breathing space, to recharge your batteries, and to make space in your life and work for good things to come in.
Do share any other thoughts you have. I'll be back tomorrow with thoughts on luck and the letter "C", which brings us Courage and also Charm.
My instinct is that we all are surrounded by a myriad of opportunities,and that the genius of luck is first, being able to see them, and second, being able to take advantage of them. I believe there are things we can do to make luck more likely, to help us make the most of the opportunities that are around us, even if the wider economy is in recession.
Each day will be themed around a letter of the alphabet, and today it's the letter "B".
B is for Belief, and B is also for Breathing Space
Henry Ford said " Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you're right."
Two members of my family have wildly different experiences and approaches to finding a space to park a car. One believes she'll get the parking space very close to where she needs it. She believes that it will be there, and drives to where she wants to be. A high percentage of the time, she succeeds.
Another family member is more pessimistic. He assumes he's unlikely to get a park right next to a popular event, or in the centre of town, because they will all have been taken by early-comers. One of two things often happens. First, he may park a distance from the venue, assuming it's the best he'll get, and then walk past empty spaces en route. Or, if he does drive close to the venue, his assumption that parks won't be available leads him to miss the parking spaces right under his nose until he's passed them. In Christchurch's one-way system, this often means that he's missed his opportunity to park and someone else gets the space.
The key difference: if you expect good things to happen, if you expect opportunities to be there (even in a recession) you're more likely to spot them when they do occur, and not just through the rear-view mirror.
Believing that luck is on your side, that you will have opportunities, is the first step.
B is for Belief, and it's also for Breath, and for Breathing Space.
Step two is creating some breathing space.
Taking a deep breath can instantly revive and recharge us, provide perspective, reduce anxiety, and even restore a sense of humour.
It's no accident that someone said "take time to smell the roses". In the act of inhaling we oxygenate our blood, feeding our brains and making them function more effectively.
It's also easy to get panicked, to think that more is better, to cram our days so full, to heap our expectations of ourselves so high that we don't have space to fit in new opportunities that come along.
I can't remember where I first heard the truism that "we need to make space in our lives for good things to come in"
Breathing space is vital to provide us with perspective and restore our energy, if we are to notice the opportunities around us, and make space to do something about it.
So today's lessons to bring luck then: Believe that opportunities are there. Take time every so often to detach from whatever you're doing to take a deep breath and look at what's around you. Create some breathing space, to recharge your batteries, and to make space in your life and work for good things to come in.
Do share any other thoughts you have. I'll be back tomorrow with thoughts on luck and the letter "C", which brings us Courage and also Charm.
10 November 2008
A to Z of Luck : A is for Artist Date
Do we make our own luck?
Today I am working on a short oration, for the NSANZ Christchurch Chapter Orator's contest. The topic: "Luck: you make your own". It's got me thinking:
Is there some invisible force called "luck" passing back and forth across the countryside, alighting here and there on fortunate people, skirting the unfortunate and pouring down like waterfall on a blessed few?
It is reported that Napoleon Bonaparte, in selecting his Generals, required that they be lucky men.Whether he thought this was an innate quality, or something they earned, or made themselves I don't know.
Some people chase luck like they seek the magic bullet – hoping against hope, waiting for the day that their luck will turn. In the meantime, they anaethetise their pains, avoid feeling by filling their time with celebrity gossip, drink, drug, food, or TV.
Others seem to be effortlessly lucky - with opportunities abounding all around.
My instinct is that we all are surrounded by a myriad of opportunities, every day, and that the genius of luck is first, being able to see them, and second, able to take advantage of them. And that there are a number of things we can do to make luck more likely.
As I played around with speech structures, I thought about the factors that influence luck. Three things stood out: being Early, having Faith that you will find what you need and behaving accordingly, and the freedom from guilt that comes with knowing you are up to date and have done your best.
Having come up with and E (Early), F(Faith) and G(Guilt-free) I kept going, and along with my Flat White coffee, realised I could go all the way from A to Z, on the subject of luck, and how to find it.
Much has been made of the recession, with gloom and doom about the economy in newspapers and on tv. As an antidote to the pessimism, I offer you the beginning of my A to Z of luck. There will be 26 instalments (one for each letter of the alphabet), and of course, that begins with the letter A.
A is for Artist's Date, and for Action:
The concept of the Artist Date, comes from the work of Julia Cameron, and her program The Artist’s Way. (It is also called a Time Out in The Artist's Way at Work, written by Julia, and Mark Bryan). It's a weekly, planned time-out where you take time to do something that feeds your inner artist or explorer.
It may be taking time to visit antique shops, to walk along the beach and collect shells for a collage, it could be a trip to a movie. Or maybe time spent baking and icing a cake.
Especially in these times, we need to make time to explore our passions, to connect with and feed our creative spirit. Paul Hawken advises
“Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, even joyous. That has more of an effect on economic well-being than any other single factor”
A is also for Action – taking action on worries, making small changes, however imperfect, is more likely to lead to rewards. When we take action we get the feeling we have power over our circumstances.
So: to make luck for yourself: take time to take Action, and plan some Artist Date time to nurture your inspiration and creativity.
Tomorrow: the letter “B”
Today I am working on a short oration, for the NSANZ Christchurch Chapter Orator's contest. The topic: "Luck: you make your own". It's got me thinking:
Is there some invisible force called "luck" passing back and forth across the countryside, alighting here and there on fortunate people, skirting the unfortunate and pouring down like waterfall on a blessed few?
It is reported that Napoleon Bonaparte, in selecting his Generals, required that they be lucky men.Whether he thought this was an innate quality, or something they earned, or made themselves I don't know.
Some people chase luck like they seek the magic bullet – hoping against hope, waiting for the day that their luck will turn. In the meantime, they anaethetise their pains, avoid feeling by filling their time with celebrity gossip, drink, drug, food, or TV.
Others seem to be effortlessly lucky - with opportunities abounding all around.
My instinct is that we all are surrounded by a myriad of opportunities, every day, and that the genius of luck is first, being able to see them, and second, able to take advantage of them. And that there are a number of things we can do to make luck more likely.
As I played around with speech structures, I thought about the factors that influence luck. Three things stood out: being Early, having Faith that you will find what you need and behaving accordingly, and the freedom from guilt that comes with knowing you are up to date and have done your best.
Having come up with and E (Early), F(Faith) and G(Guilt-free) I kept going, and along with my Flat White coffee, realised I could go all the way from A to Z, on the subject of luck, and how to find it.
Much has been made of the recession, with gloom and doom about the economy in newspapers and on tv. As an antidote to the pessimism, I offer you the beginning of my A to Z of luck. There will be 26 instalments (one for each letter of the alphabet), and of course, that begins with the letter A.
A is for Artist's Date, and for Action:
The concept of the Artist Date, comes from the work of Julia Cameron, and her program The Artist’s Way. (It is also called a Time Out in The Artist's Way at Work, written by Julia, and Mark Bryan). It's a weekly, planned time-out where you take time to do something that feeds your inner artist or explorer.
It may be taking time to visit antique shops, to walk along the beach and collect shells for a collage, it could be a trip to a movie. Or maybe time spent baking and icing a cake.
Especially in these times, we need to make time to explore our passions, to connect with and feed our creative spirit. Paul Hawken advises
“Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, even joyous. That has more of an effect on economic well-being than any other single factor”
A is also for Action – taking action on worries, making small changes, however imperfect, is more likely to lead to rewards. When we take action we get the feeling we have power over our circumstances.
So: to make luck for yourself: take time to take Action, and plan some Artist Date time to nurture your inspiration and creativity.
Tomorrow: the letter “B”
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